In That Green House in Buffalo

You are not the pain in the world.
You are
everything
right
with it.

Soft your love
Soft your lips
Underneath that tangle of roses
hanging from my windowsill
Hanging there
like my heart
ache
without you
So long ago
in the snow.
Waiting for your laughter to come back
which meant
waiting for my heart to open
again and
Waiting
to not be afraid
of you
Loving me.
You were lost
in your own skin
and was there any way to find you?
I didn't know
and I was
too afraid
of you never returning to yourself
And all of the fear that means
when we muffle
the sound
of that inner voice.

You are not the hurt in the world
You are the one who heals it
You
bring laughter to the darkest
of souls,
They are reborn in your light,
They come back from the gloom.
You bring excitement to my world
and words that flow and flow and flow
like the falls
crashing down in their
majestic outpouring
below us.
You bring wisdom that you don't know
will heal the hardest of hearts.

You are not the pain
You are the healer
of wounds.
Your own heart is open,
and you let everyone and everything in.
You are the hurt
That most wonderful hurt
that breaks us down
and moves us beyond barriers.
You stay
who
You are
and
Never
ever
Ever
let that
Fear
change you
because
You are everything right.

Here and There

Half of the time

We're waiting for a hand of kindness

To break us like a wave

And turn us toward your face

***

I wanted to be the sky

As I looked at the seagulls

lazily soaring above the ocean

My heart opening up like a teardrop 

at the Jersey Shore and I thought,

Nothing matters but You, Your voice 

among all the muck;

the schoolbooks of money and death

and people saying,

"When is your future?  When will it start?"

So

I ran out to see the bay in the morning

Excited to catch the little piece of heaven

called Pivo Point, Ontario, a place I'd never been

The first retreat of this new life I'd chosen.

The water talked to me playfully as it went 

over the rocks in little waves

And I thought, I'd never seen anything more beautiful

With all of my planning, it wasn't me

who brought me here

to feel this galaxy of fire inside

You brought me here

To

Columbus, Georgia, where

I walked along the river until I 

found a waterfall

And it made me wonder 

why I even had a body at all

I wanted to be the river

I could feel the force of thousands of people

singing my song under this rainy tent

"Peace is flowing like a river..."
Wanting to close the School of Death

And as we remembered those who passed away,

we became the autumn trees and the wind,

holding our little white crosses

high in our hands

Each one had a name

Their names were our names

"Presente"

And we became each other's past,

each other's pain

And I was the river

We were the river

I was the sky

We were the sky

Change the World

Selfish and selfless intertwine
Legs twisting, a spiritual vine
My heart
is tangled
But, I never mind
I'll put it out there, let
my kind find
My healing hands on top of the world
ready to let
my love unfurl

5/28/2015

Penance

Peace is a type of death, and

I have come alive.

There is no church to hide in,

no sanctuary.

They lock their doors, knowing that

the divine is outside,

in the air

The wind?

It says

risk everything and I've

got a lot,

oh yeah,

I've got a lot

to sacrifice.

Give it up here

Give up

I laid my confessions down

to rest at the feet of a

lonely priest.

He wasn't impressed.

He said, "Give me more"

The divine doesn't want

your pitiful

recounting of sins

when not once, 

not once did you 

stop to pray

But, I'll kiss the ground,baby

and more

I will lay myself down on 

that altar

and sacrifice

that good old fashioned way

But churches don't appreciate

offerings anymore.

They say, get out and don't forget 

to pray for 

God

damn 

forgiveness, 

because you are undeserving

But, I see the light

5/24/2015

The Goddess Stripped

Dark night
she's dancing around
in my brain
the curve of her body
makes me wonder why
we've changed to worshipping
a man in a beard.

I can't really blame those men in robes.
I'd be afraid too
of her
possessing me
making me so filled with lust
that I'd sway at her feet
with lewd offerings

Dollars pass around
in baskets;
when a man is in awe
he never forgets to pitch in for her charity.
And the beauty of that
slanted smile;
for that,
he'll pay so dearly

Pure. naked. beauty.
The only sin, I think
here, darling,
is that we haven't built an alter fit for a goddess.
Instead, Aphrodite is stuck in strobe lights,
waiting for the downfall
of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost,
who sit here panting
while they should be out proselytizing.

5/26/2010

Little Red

You've never gotten past
saying hello and goodbye.
Hungry,
I cry
for a way to make
this bullshit last.
Your love tangled scent
like fingers in and out of my brain
caressing my stomach,
growling
in the rain

I will devour you whole.
Your soul
will barely know what hit you.
All I want to do
is kill the thoughts
where sure
uncertainty
lives.

Wolf
tormented
cry.
I ask you why
we've never gotten past
saying hello and goodbye.

5/10/2010

Fate

The secret is
you have to be willing
to let it happen,
or your fortune will take it's toll.
We all know this,
those of us who have lived
like hell and
returned not quite
revived,
but grateful for not being dead

It takes a toll on your life
to not be willing
to open up
and
just let things happen.
And they happen
you know, sometimes
it just happens

The falling in love,
the fights,
the kids,
the wife,
the house, the job,
the never ending list
of life's most treasured quirks

The most marvelous and the most awful
things
happen, while you're looking at
something else.
And we wonder if our lives are ever really
quite our own,
knowing that the choices have been
sold
as all ours.

4/18/2010

Zombi

Jumping off the cliff with you
Living the way gods do
Like a dog moaning at the door,
My soul begs
to be let inside

Give me
The sacred and profane
Give me
Rain
Things change and
things always
Stay the same
And if we become possessed, we'll have helped a spirit live

All of this is about
praise
All of this is about
hearts
singing
as I made
him laugh.
Not a chuckle,
but a deep
crazy
uncontrollable laugh.

Give me
the sacred and profane
Give me
Rain
Things change and
things always
Stay the same
And if we become possessed, we'll have helped a spirit live

This is what gods do when let into the world,
making love to every single glance
laugh
touch.
Why shouldn't I praise you,
Human?
People always flirt with death
because it's real
and, what's after?

Give me
the sacred and profane
Give me
Rain
Things stay the same and
people always
are to blame.
But if we become possessed,
we'll have helped Our spirit
Live

4/12/2010

Feel it

I

Am the excess of things

Uncontrollable

Like the moon rising and sun setting

Fatal churning of my mind's expectations

Perfection: the rancid deadly poison

Kills

my

heart

With weight that crushes and grinds my bones

to dust

I sprinkle my faults

Beautiful me that is lost.

My sorrow wades, happiness ready to sparkle

Mixing

Like thick oil paints

As the road twists and winds, she thinks to herself she sees it straight.

Ignorant of the rock before her,

so she stumbles

Eyes swollen shut

Now

I

roam

Not seeing the end, which evades me

Life cannot be measured by a steady increase,

But by curves.

I love,

that's all that matters.

A Kiss

A

Kiss

So soft

So sweet

Like him

A racing boy who shocks and treats her so kindly

Thoughts speed so fast by her

She forgets the murder of her soul

And the razor's edge that was

So soft

So sweet

Like her

A frantic girl who twirls her hair and laughs wildly

And thinks of things so crazy

Like sipping him down with a tipsy red wine

Holds him on her tongue, he tastes

So sweet

So soft

Like them

An excess boy crashes into an excess girl

In a manner

So timely

So fate

Can be

So soft

And sweet

Like sin

Tantalize

Chains
Wrapped around my heart
A slave girl
Pleading for release
Wrists in cuffs
On my knees
Wanting to be intoxicated by your touch

Come around and feed me
I'm ravenous
Begging for scraps
From you, a rich man engorged
On the flesh of a million hearts
Laughing girls who smell of incense,
Burning for you.

You bind me here
Beating me with the weight of your absence.
The cage is open, but it's a cruel trick,
The imprisonment sinister.
You're deep inside, an infection,
Sickened to know you're the only cure.

With you.  Without you.
My heart starves
Famished, I'm here,
Stark bones in the dark

Distance

Your words taste like sugar, honey
So I wonder why this pain of distance
(Your words taste like sugar)
Overwhelms me
And every moment, every breath
As close as I am, my mind's far away
Feels like cotton candy
And you feel it
Light and sweet, dissolving on my tongue
So you hold me closer
So sensational
Like a caged tiger
Your embrace makes dreaming cloud castles
It will only take so long
The way your kisses brush on my cheek
'til I fight and claw my way out
Makes it impossible not to smile

Butterfly...

Butterfly...

there you go, flapping your wings on my spirit, setting it free in your cage

Butterfly, why don't you kiss yourself sweetly on the inside
instead, I keep seeing you
jab yourself
trying to
stab yourself into life.

Butterfly, remember
that first time I kissed you in a crowd full of music and drunks?
and I was free
and I was jealous
of you being free

that kiss, well
tomorrow, I guess, all I have are your memories in a jar
suffocating me when I remember
that I'm just barely
a woman at all.

I'm just a shell of a cocoon,
caught in your hands

Maybe we can open the jar and sigh,
fly            high            free
butterfly
free
when you hold me close
and all I can hear is your broken heart
beating

1/1/2005

"You are a rose that heals woundedness" ~Rumi

Scars, they never fade completely
from my tattered mind
holding onto memories like heartbreak.
And you
I know
too familiar
with the fierce undertones of demons chattering.  We are
lost in thoughts like warriors
fighting a world that is long gone
still hidden inside of us.

Somehow we have to learn to quiet those voices
and remember
the night air cold on our faces
rushing through the window
as the warmth of your body holds me closer
than I ever could have imagined.
The sound of raindrops
soaking every inch of us
as we splash through puddles
newly found.
Your head on my shoulder
as I prayed in the chapel
for nothing
because you were already with me.

Smile,
baby...
We were never meant to go unweathered
only to get through each storm
out of the other side
reborn.
Your kiss
moving mountains within me
quiets down my hushed soul
so that being with you
is more than happiness
This
is
peace.