Sunday, May 31, 2015

Here and There

Half of the time
We're waiting for a hand of kindness
To break us like a wave
And turn us toward your face

***
I wanted to be the sky
As I looked at the seagulls
lazily soaring above the ocean
My heart opening up like a teardrop 
at the Jersey Shore and I thought,
Nothing matters but You, Your voice 
among all the muck;
the schoolbooks of money and death
and people saying,
"When is your future?  When will it start?"

So

I ran out to see the bay in the morning
Excited to catch the little piece of heaven
called Pivo Point, Ontario, a place I'd never been
The first retreat of this new life I'd chosen.
The water talked to me playfully as it went 
over the rocks in little waves
And I thought, I'd never seen anything more beautiful
With all of my planning, it wasn't me
who brought me here
to feel this galaxy of fire inside
You brought me here

To

Columbus, Georgia, where
I walked along the river until I 
found a waterfall
And it made me wonder 
why I even had a body at all
I wanted to be the river
I could feel the force of thousands of people
singing my song under this rainy tent
"Peace is flowing like a river..."
Wanting to close the School of Death
And as we remembered those who passed away,
we became the autumn trees and the wind,
holding our little white crosses
high in our hands
Each one had a name
Their names were our names
"Presente"
And we became each other's past,
each other's pain

And I was the river
We were the river
I was the sky
We were the sky

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Change the World

Selfish and selfless intertwine
Legs twisting, a spiritual vine
My heart
is tangled
But, I never mind
I'll put it out there, let
my kind find
My healing hands on top of the world
ready to let
my love unfurl

5/28/2015

Sunday, May 24, 2015

Penance

Peace is a type of death, and
I have come alive.
There is no church to hide in,
no sanctuary.
They lock their doors, knowing that
the divine is outside,
in the air

The wind?
It says
risk everything and I've
got a lot,
oh yeah,
I've got a lot
to sacrifice.

Give it up here

Give up

I laid my confessions down
to rest at the feet of a
lonely priest.
He wasn't impressed.
He said, "Give me more"
The divine doesn't want
your pitiful
recounting of sins
when not once, 
not once did you 
stop to pray

But, I'll kiss the ground,baby
and more
I will lay myself down on 
that altar
and sacrifice
that good old fashioned way

But churches don't appreciate
offerings anymore.
They say, get out and don't forget 
to pray for 
God
damn 
forgiveness, 
because you are undeserving

But, I see the light

5/24/2015

The Goddess Stripped

Dark night
she's dancing around
in my brain
the curve of her body
makes me wonder why
we've changed to worshipping
a man in a beard.

I can't really blame those men in robes.
I'd be afraid too
of her
possessing me
making me so filled with lust
that I'd sway at her feet
with lewd offerings

Dollars pass around
in baskets;
when a man is in awe
he never forgets to pitch in for her charity.
And the beauty of that
slanted smile;
for that,
he'll pay so dearly

Pure. naked. beauty.
The only sin, I think
here, darling,
is that we haven't built an alter fit for a goddess.
Instead, Aphrodite is stuck in strobe lights,
waiting for the downfall
of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost,
who sit here panting
while they should be out proselytizing.

5/26/2010

Little Red

You've never gotten past
saying hello and goodbye.
Hungry,
I cry
for a way to make
this bullshit last.
Your love tangled scent
like fingers in and out of my brain
caressing my stomach,
growling
in the rain

I will devour you whole.
Your soul
will barely know what hit you.
All I want to do
is kill the thoughts
where sure
uncertainty
lives.

Wolf
tormented
cry.
I ask you why
we've never gotten past
saying hello and goodbye.

5/10/2010

Fate

The secret is
you have to be willing
to let it happen,
or your fortune will take it's toll.
We all know this,
those of us who have lived
like hell and
returned not quite
revived,
but grateful for not being dead

It takes a toll on your life
to not be willing
to open up
and
just let things happen.
And they happen
you know, sometimes
it just happens

The falling in love,
the fights,
the kids,
the wife,
the house, the job,
the never ending list
of life's most treasured quirks

The most marvelous and the most awful
things
happen, while you're looking at
something else.
And we wonder if our lives are ever really
quite our own,
knowing that the choices have been
sold
as all ours.

4/18/2010

Zombi

Jumping off the cliff with you
Living the way gods do
Like a dog moaning at the door,
My soul begs
to be let inside

Give me
The sacred and profane
Give me
Rain
Things change and
things always
Stay the same
And if we become possessed, we'll have helped a spirit live

All of this is about
praise
All of this is about
hearts
singing
as I made
him laugh.
Not a chuckle,
but a deep
crazy
uncontrollable laugh.

Give me
the sacred and profane
Give me
Rain
Things change and
things always
Stay the same
And if we become possessed, we'll have helped a spirit live

This is what gods do when let into the world,
making love to every single glance
laugh
touch.
Why shouldn't I praise you,
Human?
People always flirt with death
because it's real
and, what's after?

Give me
the sacred and profane
Give me
Rain
Things stay the same and
people always
are to blame.
But if we become possessed,
we'll have helped Our spirit
Live

4/12/2010

Feel it

I
Am the excess of things
Uncontrollable
Like the moon rising and sun setting
Fatal churning of my mind's expectations
Perfection: the rancid deadly poison
Kills
my
heart
With weight that crushes and grinds my bones
to dust
I sprinkle my faults
Beautiful me that is lost.
My sorrow wades, happiness ready to sparkle
Mixing
Like thick oil paints

As the road twists and winds, she thinks to herself she sees it straight.
Ignorant of the rock before her,
so she stumbles
Eyes swollen shut

Now
I
roam
Not seeing the end, which evades me
Life cannot be measured by a steady increase,
But by curves.
I love,
that's all that matters.

A Kiss

A
Kiss
So soft
So sweet
Like him
A racing boy who shocks and treats her so kindly
Thoughts speed so fast by her
She forgets the murder of her soul
And the razor's edge that was

So soft
So sweet
Like her
A frantic girl who twirls her hair and laughs wildly
And thinks of things so crazy
Like sipping him down with a tipsy red wine
Holds him on her tongue, he tastes

So sweet
So soft
Like them
An excess boy crashes into an excess girl
In a manner
So timely
So fate
Can be
So soft
And sweet
Like sin

Tantalize

Chains
Wrapped around my heart
A slave girl
Pleading for release
Wrists in cuffs
On my knees
Wanting to be intoxicated by your touch

Come around and feed me
I'm ravenous
Begging for scraps
From you, a rich man engorged
On the flesh of a million hearts
Laughing girls who smell of incense,
Burning for you.

You bind me here
Beating me with the weight of your absence.
The cage is open, but it's a cruel trick,
The imprisonment sinister.
You're deep inside, an infection,
Sickened to know you're the only cure.

With you.  Without you.
My heart starves
Famished, I'm here,
Stark bones in the dark

Distance

Your words taste like sugar, honey
So I wonder why this pain of distance
(Your words taste like sugar)
Overwhelms me
And every moment, every breath
As close as I am, my mind's far away
Feels like cotton candy
And you feel it
Light and sweet, dissolving on my tongue
So you hold me closer
So sensational
Like a caged tiger
Your embrace makes dreaming cloud castles
It will only take so long
The way your kisses brush on my cheek
'til I fight and claw my way out
Makes it impossible not to smile

Butterfly...

Butterfly...

there you go, flapping your wings on my spirit, setting it free in your cage

Butterfly, why don't you kiss yourself sweetly on the inside
instead, I keep seeing you
jab yourself
trying to
stab yourself into life.

Butterfly, remember
that first time I kissed you in a crowd full of music and drunks?
and I was free
and I was jealous
of you being free

that kiss, well
tomorrow, I guess, all I have are your memories in a jar
suffocating me when I remember
that I'm just barely
a woman at all.

I'm just a shell of a cocoon,
caught in your hands

Maybe we can open the jar and sigh,
fly            high            free
butterfly
free
when you hold me close
and all I can hear is your broken heart
beating

1/1/2005

"You are a rose that heals woundedness" ~Rumi

Scars, they never fade completely
from my tattered mind
holding onto memories like heartbreak.
And you
I know
too familiar
with the fierce undertones of demons chattering.  We are
lost in thoughts like warriors
fighting a world that is long gone
still hidden inside of us.

Somehow we have to learn to quiet those voices
and remember
the night air cold on our faces
rushing through the window
as the warmth of your body holds me closer
than I ever could have imagined.
The sound of raindrops
soaking every inch of us
as we splash through puddles
newly found.
Your head on my shoulder
as I prayed in the chapel
for nothing
because you were already with me.

Smile,
baby...
We were never meant to go unweathered
only to get through each storm
out of the other side
reborn.
Your kiss
moving mountains within me
quiets down my hushed soul
so that being with you
is more than happiness
This
is
peace.